everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
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