Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
