I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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