Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
