I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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