I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
