dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
