I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
