sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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