and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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