She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
