Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think a kid would responsible me up
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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