Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
