There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
