Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Randomize
