Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
