Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
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