I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
