i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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