mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
