call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
