no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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