her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
