OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
