Pregnant stripper...not hot.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Randomize
