once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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