It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
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