I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
