why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
