I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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