once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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