i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
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