This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
