Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
