he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
