**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
