Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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