I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
