ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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