When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
