there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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