I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Randomize
