Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
