He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
