forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
