My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Randomize
