I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Randomize
