I got her a Nickelback box set.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
