I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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