My first STD was from a foam party
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Say something about gay babies.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
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