Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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