bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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