oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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