girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Randomize
