i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
