I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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