My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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