Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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