You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We talked him into tasing himself.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
