I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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