So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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