So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
