I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
