Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
