Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
