There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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