so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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