I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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