Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Randomize
