i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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