Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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