so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
