i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
