mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Randomize
