clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
