she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
