need another drink. this is the easiest way
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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