I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
