I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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