my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
