heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
