Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
