I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
