My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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